Even though this rhythmically challenged cow actually has two left feet, Fabio Fatiron works harder and performs better than anybody the show's ever seen. With flamboyant sequins in the form of a chicken on every costume, Fabio cha-chas, fox-trots and tangos his tail off to show the world that it's better to see a cow cut a rug than see one become a cold cut.
He's successful. He's rich in protein. He's one handsome beefcake. In real life, the ladies play hard to get. But when you put 20 heifers in the same house, they play hardball to win the affection of this prize bull. When the dates are over and the drama is done, he'll choose the heifer who shares his one goal in life: to remove burgers from every menu in the heartland.
When it comes to chicken, you can never have too many cooks in the kitchen. Each week, these cowlinary students slice and dice the freshest ingredients in their quest to create the perfect chicken entree. The competition is fierce. The pressure is unbearable. But these cow cooks press on, because they know that if they can't take the heat, burgers will wind up in the kitchen.
Project Bunaway isn't just a show. It's a moovement. Each episode begins with a challenge: Create a clothing line that makes people crave chicken. With their steaks at stake, these rib roasts of the runway design, cut and sew everything from chicken-feather boas to beak bracelets to make chicken the most fashionable fare in Hollywood.
This incredible program spans the globe as it follows its cow contestants in their quest to wipe burgers off the map. With challenges like constructing a hay hut in the Serengeti or tugging a cart of chickens to a village in the Swiss Alps, winners receive a first prize of 1 million pounds of hay. But every cow wins if they can show viewers that "burgers" is a dirty word in any language.
They juggle burning chicken nuggets. They sing songs about chicken. They moo ventriloquism routines with chicken puppets. One herd even performed acrobatics, until they fell through the stage floor. Once the judges give their opinions, it's ultimately up to the viewers to decide which cow did the best job of making beef look entertaining - and making chicken look appetizing.
This show specializes in providing the nicest henhouses you could ever imagine to people who need them. But make no mistake: It's not about charity - it's about chicken. When the barn doors are knocked down and the rooster weather vane is placed at the top of the coop, the proud owners of a new chicken farm are ready to provide chicken to half the free world.
Like real life for cows, this is a game of attrition. On this grueling reality show, cows of all kinds are shipped to a deserted island to see who will be the last cow standing - sometimes on a single pole over croc-infested waters. They brave the elements, live off the land, and strategically pick each other off with one goal in mind: gaining immunity from becoming a burger.
According to the hosts of this show, it's just not fashionable to eat beef. So they raid the refrigerator and shame their subjects into getting rid of all things beef with catty comments like, "Burgers are so five minutes ago", and, "Burgers make your rump roast look big". Contestants end up with a total fridge makeover - and the understanding that chicken never goes out of style.
This show pits America's brawniest bovines against their archenemies - habitual burger eaters. In tests of raw strength and sheer determination, burger eaters compete in a series of obstacle courses, tennis-ball-cannon gauntlets, and one-on-one bouts that end with contestants wanting to cry uncle but instead being forced to cry "chicken".
Let's face it. This show is cutthroat, just like the real business world. That's why the cows fundraise, market, and wheel and deal in every episode to show the real value of chicken. Then, they nervously face the boss to find out where they stand on the company food chain. After all, the last thing a cow who fears becoming a combo meal wants to hear is, "You're canned".
These mooing mariners risk life and four limbs to capture the plump-breasted, iceberg-dwelling Anarctic snow chickens that inhabit the Bulling Sea. On these frigid waters, there's always the risk of striking an iceberg that could cause a shipwreck of titanic proportions. But if Captain Cold Cut can bring a thousand pounds of poultry to port, that's a risk he's willing to take.